Personification of an elegant beast

I used to throw 40-something mph “fastballs” at the Ontario Science Center and go berserk listening to Joshua Giraffe.

But a kid named Josh used to throw FASTBALLS and go REALLY berserk living the life of a Joshua Giraffe.

He did it all with California-sized heart.

He lived a little wilder.

His fastball flew a bit faster.

The heart pounded a little bit harder.

You might say, he welcomed the jungle.

The story of Joshua Giraffe implanted itself deep in the psyche of many a youngster, but for this kid, it was a revelation. Every line of Joshua Giraffe described his world. SoCal was the zoo. The jungle was professional baseball.

This is the other version of the life of:

Joshua Eric Towers


Joshua Tow-ers,
Was born in SoCal,
He lived in the val-ley
For a few years and a half,
He threw and he threw,
But he wasn’t rickety
With hands so very sticky,
From Coors light, Gatorade, Mountain Dew
Big Boy’s, Fazoli’s, and Mcdonald’s.
There must be something better
Than batting in this cage.
I’m not too really sure,
Drafted in the 15th stage.

Joshua Tow-ers
Was feeling kind of rad
But also kind of sad.
How little of life he’d had,
Wasting away with no room to play,
Trapped in SoCal zoo drinking Mountain Dew.

So he went next door to the snake pit
And asked Mr. Slash what to do.
I’m wasting away with no room to play,
I’m trapped in SoCal zoo, drinking Mountain Dew.

Slash was very dark and gray.
But still had huge stardom.
And he said:
“Never fear Joshua, for a vision will appear”.

And that night, a dream came to Joshua,
And Joshua saw beasts like crazy orioles,
And a whole pile of red socks and yankees,
And flitty tigers,
And rays size 12,
And sleazy nats,
And a flock of campy blue jays .

But Joshua wasn’t afraid
Because he sang himself this song:
Nothing can go wrong-o,
I’m in Toronto
Nothing can go wrong-o,
I’m in Toronto
Nothing can go wrong-o,
I’m in Toronto
Nothing can go wrong-o,
I’m in Toronto
Nothing can go wrong-o,
I’m in Toronto
Nothing can go wrong-o,
I’m in Toronto
Even in his dream he knew,
He’d never be sent away,
Not even for a day.
Then a peanut hit him on the nose.

Joshua Tow-ers
Was sent down to Syracuse,
What could he do,
Awakened from his dream,
He’d never be the same,
Because of what he’d seen.
Then he’d see:
Bisons in Buffalo, Durham Bulls,
Iron Pigs in LeHigh, Louisville Bats,
Red Wings in Rochester, Toledo Mudhens,
And some Gibbons just plain aped him.

But Joshua was lucky,
He had special friends Thomas and Rios,
And they tried a Yankee coup,
But Joshua couldn’t fight so they waited til the night,
And swapped his rage for brew,
He discovered he could fly and,
He soared into the sky with them,
Wrapped around his neck,
And they haven’t come back yet,
So if you see them make a bet

That’s right they haven’t come back yet
But when they do, they say they are
Going to free all the Blue Jays from their cages,
No matter how newly acquired,
Even some pets, too.
So if on your way home today,
You happen to find….
A baboon basking in the balcony
Or a lion licking a lemon in the lobby,
Or a python perched in the pantry,
A wildebeest in the W.C.,
With a turtle twirling in your tub,
Don’t be afraid, just say you’re a friend of their friend.

Joshua Tow-ers, Joshua, Joshua,
Joshua Tow-ers, Joshua, Joshua (woo hoo) Repeat x9

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s